Okay, so there isn't a bone in your penis, but you can fracture it.
This happens when there's a tear in the part of the penis called the tunica albuginea.
You've noted that while society's happy for a famous man to age, and become distinguished, and generally wander around looking like a fucking wizard, the women generally still seem to be 20 years younger, and standing there on the cover of magazines, all like, "Oh! You've watched the whole Caitlyn Jenner trans thing unfold and gone, "You know what — this all seems fair enough. You like women being equal to men — which is all that feminism means. Because I am a chronic over-sharer, and incapable of keeping secrets. They both have that slight implication of, "I'm now going to launch into a speech that's basically about what a great person I am". " — until they feel as normal as saying "pina colada", or "Michael Fassbender". You are unlikely to get custody of your kids, and are three times more likely to commit suicide. Men, imagine if, some time around your 12th birthday, some manner of viscous liquid — let's say gravy — suddenly appeared in your pants, in the middle of a maths lesson. It's one of the defining aspects of being a woman.4.
You know babies come out of vaginas and it fucking stings, and that the vaginas are having a hard time anyway, what with all the waxing they get. You've called Donald Trump "a twat" for his sexist comments about a female news anchor being on her period. It's the 21st century and you are, most assuredly, not a dick. So, what I am going to do, instead, is tell you 12 things about women that women are usually too embarrassed to tell you themselves. It's the same as when you say the word "environment". Because remember that patriarchy's bumming you as hard as it's bumming us. You, meanwhile, are unable to talk about your feelings lest you get punched in the nuts by "a lad" telling you not to be "a bender". Being a woman doesn't make "being a woman" any easier. It's like having an exploding, insane blood-bag of pain up in your business end — nothing really prepares you for when it all kicks off. The next, you're suddenly having to wedge a tiny Barbie mattress in your knickers, crying while you watch , and eating Nurofen Plus like they're Tic Tacs. Have you ever tried to scrub blood out of a Premier Inn sheet at 6am, using just travel shampoo and your toothbrush?
Any man or woman who shall be guilty of the crime of adultery or fornication shall be liable to indictment and, on conviction, shall be severally punished by a fine of not less than one hundred dollars nor more than five hundred dollars or imprisonment for not less than six months nor more than one year or by both fine and imprisonment, at the discretion of the court. Ownership of property so retained vests in the arresting law enforcement agency which may use the property in the performance of its duties, destroy it, or sell it at public auction. Imagine if you had to get your bum-hole stripped every 30 days — lest the mean girls at school corner you on the bus home and go, "I've heard you're like Catweazle down there.We're like, "THIS IS ALREADY A REALLY, REALLY SHIT DAY. You don't need me lecturing you — because you're not hanging out the back of a bus shouting "CLUNGE! You've got sisters, mothers, lovers — female friends and colleagues — and you've never once gone up to any of them shouting, "Blimey! " while honking on their breasts, in the manner of Sid James. You just have to shut yourself in a cupboard and say them over and over again — "FEMINISM! 'The Man'So, when women talk about "The Man", we're not talking about you. We're not dealing with this in a special, noble lady-way. You're sophisticated, 21st century men with a copy of the El Bulli cookbook, a timeless pair of investment brogues and a couple of Joni Mitchell albums — for when you want to sit in your leather armchair, and have a little, noble, necessary man-cry. Not all the penises being burned in a Penis Bonfire. You are like my friend John, when he talks about dating alpha-women: "Feel intimidated by them? Dating and marrying powerful women is like big game hunting. Unfortunately, in both cases, the entire future of the world does rest on people being able to say those words properly, and not mumbling "femernism", or "envibeoment". Which are both, when you think about it, much odder-sounding.2. Similarly, when we talk about the patriarchy, that's not you, either. And then it turned up every month for the next 30 years. Abortion Likewise, imagine accidentally getting pregnant at 16, then having to run past a barrage of anti-abortion protestors outside your local clinic, all holding up pictures of dead foetuses.